學(xué)生習(xí)作2：（基礎(chǔ)一般，筆者把文章拆成了五部分，分別點(diǎn)評(píng)）

　　Some failed experiences are useful for us.

　　一.Take myself for as an example. I played tennis at the age of eight. When I was eleven years old, I took part in a Sports Meeting about tennis which was organized by Jiangsu Province, a province in the southeast of China. 1At the beginning of the group match I had won two opponents, but my third opponent, Hu, who was in the Jiangsu 2provinciances team, defeated me. The score was 1:6 and 2:6. At the end of our match, he held out his thumb to the ground and said, Loser! You cannot win forever!

　　I could not forget it after the match, though I would have another doubles match the next day.

　　分析：

　　1.in the first group stage

　　2.provincial team 省隊(duì)

　　二.1 His words reverberated unceasingly nearby my ear, even in mine dream.

　　The next day, I could not focus on the match. At the beginning of the match, the score was 1:4.

　　2 What are you doing? My partner shouted at me while his hand knocked at my head and his arm winded around my shoulder. You shouldnt pay attention to your failure that was something in the past. And you must focus on this match now! He shouted. At last, we won the match and got the prize of 6th that year.

　　分析：

　　1 修改：His words stayed in my mind for such a long time that I could not focus my attention on the doubles match the next day.

　　2 呵呵，在這位同學(xué)的營(yíng)造下，他的朋友成了又一個(gè)馬景濤，很喜歡吼，看過(guò)實(shí)在忍俊不禁。

　　修改：He, holding out his hand, firstly knocked at my head, had me in his arm and told me some words that I would never forget, Cheer up. Do not cry over the split milk. Just let it go. Put aside the previous failure and try your best in the current match. He drove those words so deep into my heart that I finally made it. Finally, we won the

　　注：各位要學(xué)會(huì)多用對(duì)話(huà)加強(qiáng)真實(shí)感。

　　三 When we came back to Suzhou, I began to work harder on my tennis training. Everyday I went to the tennis court after school. From 5p.m. to 8p.m., I 1exert all my strength at training. Everyday I was still training 2while my teammates went home with their parents.

　　分析：

　　1 時(shí)態(tài)的問(wèn)題請(qǐng)大家一定要注重，確保前后一致。

　　2 在看這句的時(shí)候，突然覺(jué)得作者有一點(diǎn)感傷了，看到同學(xué)們都和爸媽一起回去了。

　　3 總體上說(shuō)訓(xùn)練是一個(gè)把不好的記憶變成好記憶的重要過(guò)度，還得添加筆墨來(lái)加強(qiáng)場(chǎng)景感。

　　修改：

　　After returning to my hometown, days went on as usual. But that failed experience let me realize that as a tennis player, there was still a long way before me. In order to fill the gap between professional athletes and me, I became harder on myself. Everyday after school I could be spotted walking into the stadium and training painstakingly every night until the security guard hurried me up to leave there. Day in and day out, I kept practicing a series of skills---serving, forehand hitting and backhand returning, dampening one T-shirt after another. But no matter how tired I was, I always bore in mind an idea to beat that man who looked upon me one year ago. For almost a year, the total practice hours mounted to an amazing __ hours.

　　四 1 The second year, I joined my final match because my age was too old to join the match. I knew it was my final chance to defeat him. Luckily, we had a battle at the semi-final. 2 The time does not lose the person with high aspirations. Finally, I won the match with the score of 7:5, 4:6 and 7:5. At last, I said, 3 You are the loser now. Whats the feeling of it? Its my pound to interview you.

　　分析：

　　1 這個(gè)句子有點(diǎn)晦澀，應(yīng)該是指這個(gè)年齡段的比賽以后你就不能參加了。

　　2 不理解這句話(huà)

　　3 呵呵，實(shí)在是太可愛(ài)了，我們就順應(yīng)他的意思吧。

　　修改：

　　One year later, I entered, with great confidence, for the same competition, which would be my final performance since this game was prepared for children aged 8 to 12. After sweeping all my opponents, I entered the final and, not surprisingly, saw my greatest foe--- Hu, the defending champion. This time, he paled compared with a new me，who was not only skillful but also determined. Finally, after a two-hour fierce fight, I won the game by 7:5, 4:6 and 7:5.

　　五.總結(jié)例子 From my failure to my win, there is just one year. But it must be the experience I will never forget.

　　修改：

　　It takes me one year to turn the failed experience into a victory, during which I not only improved my skills in tennis but more importantly increased my courage to deal with troubles.

　　學(xué)生習(xí)作2：（基礎(chǔ)一般，筆者把文章拆成了五部分，分別點(diǎn)評(píng)）

　　Some failed experiences are useful for us.

　　一.Take myself for as an example. I played tennis at the age of eight. When I was eleven years old, I took part in a Sports Meeting about tennis which was organized by Jiangsu Province, a province in the southeast of China. 1At the beginning of the group match I had won two opponents, but my third opponent, Hu, who was in the Jiangsu 2provinciances team, defeated me. The score was 1:6 and 2:6. At the end of our match, he held out his thumb to the ground and said, Loser! You cannot win forever!

　　I could not forget it after the match, though I would have another doubles match the next day.

　　分析：

　　1.in the first group stage

　　2.provincial team 省隊(duì)

　　二.1 His words reverberated unceasingly nearby my ear, even in mine dream.

　　The next day, I could not focus on the match. At the beginning of the match, the score was 1:4.

　　2 What are you doing? My partner shouted at me while his hand knocked at my head and his arm winded around my shoulder. You shouldnt pay attention to your failure that was something in the past. And you must focus on this match now! He shouted. At last, we won the match and got the prize of 6th that year.

　　分析：

　　1 修改：His words stayed in my mind for such a long time that I could not focus my attention on the doubles match the next day.

　　2 呵呵，在這位同學(xué)的營(yíng)造下，他的朋友成了又一個(gè)馬景濤，很喜歡吼，看過(guò)實(shí)在忍俊不禁。

　　修改：He, holding out his hand, firstly knocked at my head, had me in his arm and told me some words that I would never forget, Cheer up. Do not cry over the split milk. Just let it go. Put aside the previous failure and try your best in the current match. He drove those words so deep into my heart that I finally made it. Finally, we won the

　　注：各位要學(xué)會(huì)多用對(duì)話(huà)加強(qiáng)真實(shí)感。

　　三 When we came back to Suzhou, I began to work harder on my tennis training. Everyday I went to the tennis court after school. From 5p.m. to 8p.m., I 1exert all my strength at training. Everyday I was still training 2while my teammates went home with their parents.

　　分析：

　　1 時(shí)態(tài)的問(wèn)題請(qǐng)大家一定要注重，確保前后一致。

　　2 在看這句的時(shí)候，突然覺(jué)得作者有一點(diǎn)感傷了，看到同學(xué)們都和爸媽一起回去了。

　　3 總體上說(shuō)訓(xùn)練是一個(gè)把不好的記憶變成好記憶的重要過(guò)度，還得添加筆墨來(lái)加強(qiáng)場(chǎng)景感。

　　修改：

　　After returning to my hometown, days went on as usual. But that failed experience let me realize that as a tennis player, there was still a long way before me. In order to fill the gap between professional athletes and me, I became harder on myself. Everyday after school I could be spotted walking into the stadium and training painstakingly every night until the security guard hurried me up to leave there. Day in and day out, I kept practicing a series of skills---serving, forehand hitting and backhand returning, dampening one T-shirt after another. But no matter how tired I was, I always bore in mind an idea to beat that man who looked upon me one year ago. For almost a year, the total practice hours mounted to an amazing __ hours.

　　四 1 The second year, I joined my final match because my age was too old to join the match. I knew it was my final chance to defeat him. Luckily, we had a battle at the semi-final. 2 The time does not lose the person with high aspirations. Finally, I won the match with the score of 7:5, 4:6 and 7:5. At last, I said, 3 You are the loser now. Whats the feeling of it? Its my pound to interview you.

　　分析：

　　1 這個(gè)句子有點(diǎn)晦澀，應(yīng)該是指這個(gè)年齡段的比賽以后你就不能參加了。

　　2 不理解這句話(huà)

　　3 呵呵，實(shí)在是太可愛(ài)了，我們就順應(yīng)他的意思吧。

　　修改：

　　One year later, I entered, with great confidence, for the same competition, which would be my final performance since this game was prepared for children aged 8 to 12. After sweeping all my opponents, I entered the final and, not surprisingly, saw my greatest foe--- Hu, the defending champion. This time, he paled compared with a new me，who was not only skillful but also determined. Finally, after a two-hour fierce fight, I won the game by 7:5, 4:6 and 7:5.

　　五.總結(jié)例子 From my failure to my win, there is just one year. But it must be the experience I will never forget.

　　修改：

　　It takes me one year to turn the failed experience into a victory, during which I not only improved my skills in tennis but more importantly increased my courage to deal with troubles.