It is true that a lot of children, from below 3 to high school, would like to spend time in watching a range of TV programs and videos. One of the most obvious reasons for this is that these are so attractive, vivid and touching our lives that the children who are curious cannot resist their temptation at all.

　　Some people, especially the parents, argue that this is very damaging. They probably begin by pointing out that their children who are limited in self-control and self-principle will easily take too much time in watching instead of being back to study after doing for a short while. In addition to this, it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons. When children who are still simple watch too much amount without any correct guidance, some of them will easily break the laws in the realistic world by imitating the details of crimes.

　　However, others who disbelieve watching TV or video is bad claim that TV programs and the amount of videos can fully help children understand outside world or relax their stressful brains after intense study. Obviously, those who often watch TV have a wider range of knowledge and better understandings to our society than those who do not. All of this is beneficial to childrens growth and their future social life.

　　Overall, I would like to say that watching TV or videos are necessary for children who need knowledge and information, but the point is that parents must ensure their children not to watch too much or too long, and at the same time the Government should give a harsh warning to media with overuse of unhealthy contents.

　　1.

　　This/these之類的詞明顯不會用，指代不清;

　　attractive, vivid and touching our lives： 明顯的并列結構出錯;

　　開頭段沒有點明作者的觀點或者作者要在文中的所做所為。只是簡單的改寫題目。

　　2.

　　self-principle??? self-discipline?

　　take too much time in watching: 主語是人的時候，花費多少時間做某事，不能用take;

　　instead of being back to study after doing for a short while.：being back to study? 非常別扭的表達方式。

　　unhealthy pictures?中文化的表達方式pornographic ?

　　it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons.: 這個句子中誰充滿了誰啊?

　　realistic world： real world? non-virtue world?建議改成daily life

　　3.

　　better understandings to our society： understanding 之類的詞從來不用復數;better understanding to our society?or of our society?

　　All of this：all of what?

　　4.

　　結尾段中watching TV or videos are ...明顯的第三人稱單數錯誤;

　　ensure 后面最好用ensure that ... 從句;

　　and at the same time: 建議前面用句號;

　　government為什么要大寫?只有一個government?

　　全文沒有給出自己的觀點，屬于跑題!

　　It is true that a lot of children, from below 3 to high school, would like to spend time in watching a range of TV programs and videos. One of the most obvious reasons for this is that these are so attractive, vivid and touching our lives that the children who are curious cannot resist their temptation at all.

　　Some people, especially the parents, argue that this is very damaging. They probably begin by pointing out that their children who are limited in self-control and self-principle will easily take too much time in watching instead of being back to study after doing for a short while. In addition to this, it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons. When children who are still simple watch too much amount without any correct guidance, some of them will easily break the laws in the realistic world by imitating the details of crimes.

　　However, others who disbelieve watching TV or video is bad claim that TV programs and the amount of videos can fully help children understand outside world or relax their stressful brains after intense study. Obviously, those who often watch TV have a wider range of knowledge and better understandings to our society than those who do not. All of this is beneficial to childrens growth and their future social life.

　　Overall, I would like to say that watching TV or videos are necessary for children who need knowledge and information, but the point is that parents must ensure their children not to watch too much or too long, and at the same time the Government should give a harsh warning to media with overuse of unhealthy contents.

　　1.

　　This/these之類的詞明顯不會用，指代不清;

　　attractive, vivid and touching our lives： 明顯的并列結構出錯;

　　開頭段沒有點明作者的觀點或者作者要在文中的所做所為。只是簡單的改寫題目。

　　2.

　　self-principle??? self-discipline?

　　take too much time in watching: 主語是人的時候，花費多少時間做某事，不能用take;

　　instead of being back to study after doing for a short while.：being back to study? 非常別扭的表達方式。

　　unhealthy pictures?中文化的表達方式pornographic ?

　　it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons.: 這個句子中誰充滿了誰啊?

　　realistic world： real world? non-virtue world?建議改成daily life

　　3.

　　better understandings to our society： understanding 之類的詞從來不用復數;better understanding to our society?or of our society?

　　All of this：all of what?

　　4.

　　結尾段中watching TV or videos are ...明顯的第三人稱單數錯誤;

　　ensure 后面最好用ensure that ... 從句;

　　and at the same time: 建議前面用句號;

　　government為什么要大寫?只有一個government?

　　全文沒有給出自己的觀點，屬于跑題!